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I have been called “The Man Who Hates Everything,” and that is not quite true. I am a man who hates Many Things, however, and I’m not reticent in expressing my displeasure. Fortunately, I use only words to discuss my disgust, and so if you can bare this tumultuous journey, pray accompany me as I express fragrant dislike.
First off, I hate the baby oil. I am well aware that this puts me in a strange camp, of scroungy men who dislike the weirdly sexual baby-oil note. Yes, I understand that sexual activities lead to babies, but the scent of baby oil does not make me want to make babies. It’s not a mechanical oil, and it’s not something seductive, but some unnatural combination of both into something that I just cannot psychologically fathom.
Second, I hate the vanilla. Why, some have asked? Vanilla is so innocent, so pure! Others say that vanilla is sexual (a la Poison Tendre). I had first noticed vanilla in fragrances back when hoodrats began to wear Givenchy Pi. The vanilla in that fragrance is overpowering, and literally could clear out a room. From there, I smelled how vanilla was used in other ways, but rarely subtle ways. It was the olfactory equivalent of being clobbered over the head with a maul. So not only is vanilla routinely overused, like the way some people apply makeup with a trowel hoping that sheer quantity will atone for discerning application, but the scent itself does little for me. There are a few exceptions, but one is the masterful Fahrenheit Absolute. Strangely, I love vanilla ice cream.
Thirdly, I hate the mothball. Why this note even exists in perfumery I have no earthly idea. I cannot escape the association with dusty closets, too-large clothes, and the claustrophobia that mothball scents inspire in me.
Fourth, I hate the bug spray. I suspect that this effect is wrought by iso E super, found most tellingly in La Encre Noir, although occasionally CK One would also become insect death upon me.
This leaves many many notes that I enjoy and many more fragrances that use them.
Have a somber, serious, dark romantic sort of year, and always burn your candles at both ends!
2 comments
January 18, 2014 at 1:11 am
Oh, no! As the dolt responsible for the ungracious “man who hates everything” remark, I sincerely apologize. In hindsight, I should have said you were discerning, which is much more accurate. After all, I have you to thank for the fabulous Palomino, and I’d be tempted to try Fahrenheit Absolute on the strength of your recommendation but for the dreaded oud it contains. As always, your blog is a comical and entertaining read, and here’s to burning the candle at both ends! 🙂
P.S.: Would “Mr. Mothball” be offensive? Just kidding!! I hope your 2014 is utterly free from that accord/note.
January 22, 2014 at 3:09 am
No need to apologize — I’m not offended at all! I thought it was humorous. 🙂 No, “Mr. Mothball” wouldn’t be offensive, either. However, it would inspire me to create some non-offensive name for you. You have been warned! Thanks — I hope to avoid it unless I end up in some relative’s closet somehow.