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Recently I came to realize that two scents I truly enjoy are no longer available. I had forgotten the availability/opportunity window. This is like other areas of my life where I delayed too long or hesitated or became preoccupied with other things and so then doors closed, never to open again.
In the moments after this, I find a breathless sort of sorrow, something distantly reminiscent of death. There are many moments like this across our lives, in the whole cosmic unspooling of time, but to realize that these particular dreams have slipped beyond reach, and that this event has stricken me yet again is dispiriting. To learn that I am spread too thin — this is the cost. I must be doing too many things. What can I stop doing? The levers and the gears of my life must be re-tuned.
Ah, the loss. To some it is a small thing, but because fragrance is expression and life is expression, this strikes me harder than most.