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I have been called “The Man Who Hates Everything,” and that is not quite true. I am a man who hates Many Things, however, and I’m not reticent in expressing my displeasure. Fortunately, I use only words to discuss my disgust, and so if you can bare this tumultuous journey, pray accompany me as I express fragrant dislike.

First off, I hate the baby oil. I am well aware that this puts me in a strange camp, of scroungy men who dislike the weirdly sexual baby-oil note. Yes, I understand that sexual activities lead to babies, but the scent of baby oil does not make me want to make babies. It’s not a mechanical oil, and it’s not something seductive, but some unnatural combination of both into something that I just cannot psychologically fathom.

Second, I hate the vanilla. Why, some have asked? Vanilla is so innocent, so pure! Others say that vanilla is sexual (a la Poison Tendre). I had first noticed vanilla in fragrances back when hoodrats began to wear Givenchy Pi. The vanilla in that fragrance is overpowering, and literally could clear out a room. From there, I smelled how vanilla was used in other ways, but rarely subtle ways. It was the olfactory equivalent of being clobbered over the head with a maul. So not only is vanilla routinely overused, like the way some people apply makeup with a trowel hoping that sheer quantity will atone for discerning application, but the scent itself does little for me. There are a few exceptions, but one is the masterful Fahrenheit Absolute. Strangely, I love vanilla ice cream.

Thirdly, I hate the mothball. Why this note even exists in perfumery I have no earthly idea. I cannot escape the association with dusty closets, too-large clothes, and the claustrophobia that mothball scents inspire in me.

Fourth, I hate the bug spray. I suspect that this effect is wrought by iso E super, found most tellingly in La Encre Noir, although occasionally CK One would also become insect death upon me.

This leaves many many notes that I enjoy and many more fragrances that use them.

Have a somber, serious, dark romantic sort of year, and always burn your candles at both ends!